Reality's Insanity
by Royal Entity
Summary: A crackfic where the diversity of Elsword, Aisha, Rena, Raven, Eve, Chung, and Ara's utter unique randomness explodes. Some chapters provide insanity endings; endings apart from the regular humorous one. One-shots piled into a series


**Me: Hello hello! Royal Entity here. I'm new to fanfiction. Pleased to meet you all~ ^w^**

**Rena: So, what's this fanfic about?**

**Me: *slides on glasses* *glint* Why, I'm glad you asked. MWHAHAHAHAHHAH.**

**Elsword: *mutters* Bat shet crazy...**

**Me: This isn't so much a fanfic as a smattering of oneshots, all combined together to create the ULTIMATE INSANITYYYY :DDDDDD Yey.**

**Aisha: I think Rena meant this actual oneshot.**

**Me: OH RIGHT. Well, this is about Eve giving Raven boobs.**

**Raven: *spits coffee***

**Eve: *poker face***

**Me: Well, on with the story~**

**Classes~**

**Elsword: Lord Knight**

**Aisha: Elemental Master**

**Rena: Wind Sneaker**

**Raven: Veteran Commander**

**Eve: Code Empress**

**Chung: Iron Princess**

* * *

~ Palace Ball Pandemonium ~

* * *

"No, this will never do..." Eve muttered, pacing the smooth marble floors of the fancy bathroom. "Oberon!" The silent butler flinched under her critical glare. "I requested the rosebud pink fabric, not the baby's blush!" she exclaimed, holding up two nearly identical scraps of pink fabric. "I demand you fix this at once!"

The servant tentatively took the fabric from her hands, as if she were going to lash out at him. Her cold amber gaze on him the entire time, he slowly backed towards the door on the other side of the bathroom. When he was gone, Eve found something else to fix her eyes upon. Resting on a gilded chair was the unconscious body of a scraggly man. In this pink, white, and golden bathroom, he was as misplaced as an ugly duckling within a group of elegant swans. His clothing was pitch black and his long, dark hair cascaded from his shoulders. Nasod servants flitted around him, taking measurements and observations. However, he took no notice of the buzzing activity surrounding him. On a mannequin near him, a flamingo pink ball gown with maroon laces crossed on the white torso was displayed. The gown was so long that the hem of the dress spilled around on the tiled floor.

"Report progress," said Eve to the nearest servant.

It bowed stiffly and replied with a blank tone. "Measurements taken. Gown will fit. Shoes are large enough to replace boots. Gown has built-in pads for cleavage."

She nodded. At least this part of the plan is going well. "Thank you. You may continue." Ophelia must have added the pads. _Good. I must reward her later for thinking on my part._

Oberon returned and handed the fabric to her. "Well done. That is exactly the right shade. I want you to retrieve ribbons of rising dawn. One yard. Go." As she tossed the fabric to one of the servants passing by, rings of light surrounded a figure materializing in front of the empress. Ophelia bowed and presented her with a roll of ribbon. "Where is Oberon?"

"He is currently attending to other matters, Highness. I have excused him from his duties and took his place." Without needing the command to, Ophelia unrolled the ribbon and looped it into a large bow. She walked over to the mannequin, black boots clacking on the tiles, and fixed the bow onto the back of its head. "Awaiting further orders."

"Only one," Eve said smoothly. "It is time for Raven to be the star. His dark days are over. Tonight shall be the night where he shines the brightest."

A gleam flashed off of her eyes as she stood up to take the dress.

* * *

Raven awoke to suffocating darkness. He floundered around drowsily before his hand caught on a hard surface. _My...nightstand...? _He sighed in relief. _I thought I had gotten caught or something. _He slid the covers of his bed off of his body and stood up, stretching.

_Damn it...where's the handle to the door..._ He accidentally shoved the door open, causing him to stumble into the corridor.

Lights blazed into his eyes, searing spots across his vision. He crashed into someone, then spun around on...

He looked down at his shoes. No; high-heels. _What am I doing in this? _he thought, embarrassed, enraged, and confused at the same time.

Raven was in a pink ball gown that encased his entire body in lace and fluffiness. His high-heels clicked on the ground as he stumbled in them again. The same person caught him by his gloved hand, then pulled him up. "My fair lady, would you like to got to the ball tonight with me?"

He took in the tousled red hair, the crimson eyes, and the bow he was in. Elsword snatched the hand he was holding and kissed it. "I am at your honor to hold this dance with you."

"Uh. No."

He blinked, straightening up to stare at him with a puzzled look. "You don't sound like a girl."

Raven sighed. "Elsword, honestly. I never knew you were gay. Tell me next time that you're not straight, okay? It wouldn't hurt to give me a heads-up."

"Wait. Gay? Not straight? What are you talking about, miss, I-" He stopped abruptly. "Wai-wai-wai-wai-wait. I'm gay? Oh shet. Raven."

He glared at him. "Took you long enough."

"Since when did you have breasts?" He eyed his chest. "Dude, you sure you're not the straight one? Bro. You have breasts."

"I what?" People were starting to stare at the two of them declaring over who was gay and who wasn't. Or if Raven had breasts. Women stopped to cast distasteful looks at them. "I don't have-"

Elsword grumbled. "Look down, man."

He glanced below.

"Holy shet." His chest had two large bumps over it. "Holy Elrios. Holy Solace. Denif. Gaia. HOLYYY-!"

"That's what I thought." His friend sweat-dropped as he watched Raven panic.

"I HAVE. HOLY. WHAT THE HELL. WHAT DO. I. I THOUGHT I WAS A MAN. NO. I AM A MAN. I KNOW THAT." He pressed his hands over his chest, feeling for anything. The dress's bosom flattened underneath his palm's pressure. "I AM STRAIGHT."

"Shet. Then that means I'm not?" Elsword glanced at himself. "Dude."

"No, you're-" The knight had already collapsed into a heap on the floor, passing out from the shock. "-straight..." Raven muttered. He swept down to pick the limp body up and tossed him onto his bed. _If someone came in here, they'd think I shared my bed with him. _He shuddered. _Unpleasant._

_You make it sound like you're not male. _Some inner voice whispered that into his mind, shaking him to reality.

_Damn it. I am male. Right. Sharing a bed with a companion-...damn. It's not like this huge place doesn't have enough space..._

"Who put me into this thing, anyways?" He tugged at the dress; it was too tight for him. The only space he had was the empty air over his chest. Just as he was about to tear the thing off, a flashback entered his mind.

A shadow towered over his body. Golden lights swam in the background; it was as if he were caught up in a dream. "He has been properly drugged, yes?"

A flat female voice caught his ear. "Yes, Highness. With sedatives. I have given him seven of those, as you have requested."

"Good. You are dismissed, Ophelia." Hands reached for his body, tugging his current clothes off of him. "Raven. I know there is an inner female to you. It is time...

...for you to take it out..."

"HELL NO. EVE. EVE. What did I ever do to her? Damned Ebalon," he swore. "'Inner female?' Is it because I have long hair? Oh damn."

Raven burst back out, the door screeching alarmingly on its hinges. He clutched the edges of the dress, trying to run properly in those 4-inch high heels. _These things are monsters. How does Rena even wear them? _He was slowed down to a limping walk. Giving up, he took them off and threw them over his shoulder. Raven heard a yelp behind him, followed by a deafening crash. He glanced back and saw that his shoe had unintentionally been aimed at a Nasod servant rushing by, with a metal cart completely filled with silver platters of food. Out of the corner of his vision, he saw white with stripes of pink. He caught the light shining off of the ivory blades before he decided to run on. Before Oberon skewered him into ribbons.

He skidded to a halt as a fountain sculpted out of crystal flashed by. The clear crystals were tinged in a sapphire blue, as if there was a light inside that lit it up. _Shet. Ribbons. _Bending over the clear water, his reflection stared back at him with golden eyes. Ripples moved across his face as he reached up behind his head to finger the bow on the back. It was big enough to have both bights peek out behind his mass of dark hair and leave enough ribbon left to stream out after him. _How long did it take for Eve to do all of this? Tch. All of her Nasod servants... Where the hell is she, anyways... _He tore the bow off and discarded it into the water, leaving a few strands of his hair behind in his haste.

Raven flew past a corner, then backed up. _Calm down. Back up. It's just a dress. ...With false cleavage._

The Grand Hall was swarming with people. Women with feathered masks on glided gracefully over the floor alongside their partners, displaying wide variations of different dresses. Others tried not to stare at him, as if they were saying aloud, "Why is there a girl with her hair looking like a rat died in it running around barefoot?" One actually took her snow white mask and threw it carelessly on the carpeted ground. The diamonds glittered forlornly as she rushed after him.

"Raven! Raven, wait up!" He paused in the slightest, turning around to gaze into celeste blue eyes. "What in Hamel are you doing in...that?"

"Who are you?" She was a petite girl, around his height, with golden brown hair outlining her frame. She was in a gown as white as her mask, with light touches of silver along the sides. Quartz was embroidered into the hem, with a single ruby carved into the shape of a rose on her neck to serve as a brooch.

"What do you mean, Raven? I'm..." She sighed. "I thought you would be more different."

"Who are you?" he insistently repeated.

"I'm Chung."

"Damn. Chung. What in Velder are you doing in that?"

"I asked you what in Hamel were you doing in a dress!"

"Eve is what happened."

"Rena forced me into this...saying I had the body for one or something..."

"No time. Chung, where's Eve? I need to kill her."

"Ah. I don't know, actually. But she'll be appearing soon, to make an announcement."

"Darn. Thanks anyway." He gave a pat to his shoulder before taking off into the engulfing crowd again.

Bodies pressed against his; then air blasted on the tan skin revealed on his shoulders. They had made way for the random stranger as she scrambled up towards the stage where the empress would make the announcement. Again, his name was called out. "Raven!"

_Who the hell is it now, _he thought. A man with short purple hair and right-side bangs breathed heavily as he held onto his shoulder. "Where's...Elsword..."

"Huh?" At first glance, it would definitely have been a man. Short hair, tuxedo, but... "Aisha?"

"Where...is...Elsword..?!" Rage burned deep as a never-ending pit of fire within those amethyst eyes.

"Woah. Uh." _You don't want to mess with her right now, _his conscience told him. "Right. He's in my room."

"...He's in your room? Is he gay?"

"That's what I thought too." Raven sweatdropped. "But. Uh. No. I don't think he is. He fainted, so I dumped him on my bed. Why are you looking for him?"

"Oh, you'll see. He is getting his ass fried. Watch." She disappeared back into the murmuring crowd. He stared after her until she was completely gone; not before he noticed her lighting a small fire in her palm.

"Thank you all for attending to this ball to celebrate the rising of my palace." A quiet voice resonated throughout the Grand Hall. The chandeliers flickered gently above, casting a warm glow over them. "I have made this announcement for my special guests, the ones who have travelled this far with me."

_Eve...!_

"The first one shall be Elsword Runeheart, Lord Knight. He has been a constant reminder to me that not all knights are effortless in achieving advanced swordplay. He has struggled along with me in defeating the demons, and I would like to thank that drunkard for sleeping in one of these rooms. He is also known as a 'clumsy ditz' and an 'unintelligent inferior being.'" Eve motioned a shape out of the shadows of the velvet curtains. "The second one is Rena Viridian, Wind Sneaker. She has always been a mother to all of the special guests, and has been an expert with nature. She has also taught me the experience of life." A polite applause rose from the crowd around Raven. He was mesmerized by the leaf green gown Rena was in and her forest-colored mask. He noticed the glimmer of emeralds sewn into the gown as she waved at him. "The third one is Aisha Cinere, Elemental Master. She has been kind to me, and has always supported the six of us with her spells. Highly intelligent, she has always been such a good friend to me. However, due to some...circumstances, she has not been able to make it tonight.

The fifth one is Ching Seiker, prince...ess of Hamel. She was the one who defended us at all times, who defeated the demons with us, not only as revenge for her city, but also to help us. And even though her father was taken down by the darkness, tonight, she is here with us! Ching, please come up onto the stage." Chung appeared onto the stage as if Aisha had teleported him there. But Aisha wasn't there. He cast a pleading look at Raven before Rena ushered him next to her.

"And the last special guest of today is... Ravena Nightingale, Veteran Commander. She has been the stable one, the one to analyze situations almost as well as I do, with human thinking. Serious and level-headed, she has always-"

Raven had already marched up onto the stage. Just when the empress stopped to glance sideways at him, he leapt at her. "DAMN YOU, EVE!"

* * *

If anyone were to look outside at all during that night, they would have seen a small silhouette against the green landscape below.

And no one would have thought that it was 'Ching Seiker,' fleeing from the undefeated demon,

Rena Viridian.

* * *

Elsword awoke to the burning of smoke in his lungs. He jerked awake and sat on the bed, bewildered at the sight.

There was no sight for him to see.

Confused, he twisted around to see dark purple eyes glinting evilly in the morning sun.

Then the pain hit him.

"HORY SHET, MY ASS IS ON FIRE!"

* * *

Raven murmured something low. Eve cast a slight smirk at him as he slouched back into the gilded seat a few hours from before. "Ophelia, how many sedatives did you give him this time?"

"Ten, as you requested, Highness."

"Make sure to alert me the instant he wakes up.

After all, he is only the first of many test subjects on the topic 'Breasts for Men.'"


End file.
